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Okay.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Do you need anything from WalMart?

Hubby:  Yeah.  An alarm clock.  The boy completely destroyed mine and yours won't wake me up.  Never mind, I'll get it myself because I need something loud and obnoxious.

Me:  {Wicked glint in my eye}  They make ones that you can record a personal message on [beat] [beat] ya know, something loud and obnoxious.  {Internally: wait for it, wait for it...}

Hubby:  {Dawning behind his eyes}  Heeeeeeeeey!  Hey!

Me:  {Laughing hysterically and thanking God that I had already swallowed my Diet Coke}  YOU! Are so easy! 

I crack myself up sometimes!  I love my hubby because he doesn't mind when my snarky alter ego takes pot shots at him. 

Maybe I just really needed a laugh.  Boys are so easy.

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Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Cold Case on A&E

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He had called it her thousand yard stare.

Why was he thinking about her now?  A generation had passed.

He had caught a glimpse of her drifting through the crowd.

She had changed.  THEY had changed, but he remembered that time and that look: her thousand yard stare.  It had contained a myriad of warring emotions.  Desperation, loss, wistfulness and overwhelming pain.  But now, now, the thousand yard stare was gone.  In it's place was something more remarkable in it's hardness: Distrust.  Which was worse?

She faked it to the world: a hard, cold smile that didn't quite light up the irises.

He felt it then.  No one truly knew her.  He had thought that he knew her once.  The world just accepted this non version of her.  But he knew some of her past.  Some of the pain.  Some of the pleasure.  Some of the reasons why her thousand yard stare had begun.  And some of the reasons why she had been transformed into this... current veneer.  Through everything she had always maintained.  He was struck by his interest.  The thorough lack of trust shook him.

He searched for her.  He needed to know why.  What had pushed her?  He searched for her.  She was gone.  She drifted out of his life.  Again.  He was left wondering.  Then again life will always contain secrets that cannot be answered. 

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Current Mood: stressed

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What words do you find wise enough to live by?


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It's not the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.

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I will refrain from further comment because I'm am not well enough versed on the subject, but some disturbing things appear to be happing within the "new" LJ.  Please do your own research and draw your own conclusions.


The section below was snagged from </a></font></b></a>[info]gawariel_design.

Want to protest against LJ censoring the interest pages and removing the Basic account level?
Join the strike! (And repost this to your own journal.)
Everything's explained at </a></font></b></a>[info]beckyzoole's LJ, but basically: on Friday, March 21st, we will not be posting or commenting for 24 hours.

This and this are also very worrying.

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( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

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Current Location: office
Current Mood: rejected
Current Music: stupid boy - keith urban

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Let's Play 20 Qusetions!!

I was tagged by angst_driven

I am tagging anyone on my flist who hasn't done this and would like to do so.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it:  People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated ny themselves.  Tag 8 people (or in my case, since I don't know 8 people, see the above disclaimer!)  And as angst says:  'Or what? The meme police come after you?  Seriously?'  But c'mon, if I can do it, so can you!  These 8 people must state who they were tagged by.  You cannot tag the person who tagged you.  Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.  (And so on and so on and so on...)

****************

1.  You have $50 in your pocket, what do you do with it?
Pay bills.  Practical and boring, but oh so true.  If I had money to burn (yeah, snort) then I would get a few pieces of good sushi.

2.  What is your most guilty pleasure?
Taking my dogs to a dog park and watching them romp.  Seriously.  I just laugh like there are no cares in the world.  It feels so good.  THAT is my crack!

3.  Have you ever seen someone die?
I've only seen animals die.  I've had to euthanize a couple of my pets and I once stopped to try and help a dog who was hit by a truck that didn't even try to slow down.  That one was very traumatic.

4.  Where did you go on your last vacation?
Actual vacation for pleasure (not visiting relatives) was to Fredericksburg, TX with my best friend.  We stayed at a B&B, went to wineries (yes, there are excellent wineries in Texas, you snobs!), listened to some music and just relaxed.

5.  Where do you see yourself in five years?
I HATE this type of question!  What?  You think I'm clairvoyant?  I just hope that I am much happier than I am right now.

6.  If you could be any fictional character, who would it be?
I'd have to go with Scarlett O'Hara.  She was a strong woman during a time when strong women were overlooked.

7.  If you could live in any other historical time, what would it be?
I've always thought that the Civil War era was fascinating.  Women had to endure so much in order to survive.  They had to complete tasks/live a life to which they were so uncompletely educated to do.  Run farms, keep businesses, etc.  While traveling through the areas of the great Civil War battles, I just cannot imagine having to tactically wage a war.  I cannot imagine wives getting the news (months later) that their husband had been killed, captured, etc.  The entire dynamic of friends/relatives turning against one another based on any type of political belief is unfathomable.

8.  Do you have a favorite saying?
Revenge of the Coma-Baby.  (Thanks vanessagalore!)  It's new, but I think it will fit in any situation, don't you think.  Plus it just makes me snort with laughter.  But my other favorite is that it's not the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.  (God, I need that!)

9.  Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
My hubby.

10.  What do you want most in life?
A home of my own and to be able to work with animals and just too many things to list. 

11.  Which of the 7 Deadly Sins do you think you relate to most?
Just one?  Damn, I am going to Hell!  I'm going with Lust.

12.  Do you believe there is only one person for everyone (romantically speaking)?  
I used to think so...  I still like to think so.  Some days are just harder than others.  Besides, I've gone through a couple so far.

13.  Who currently is the most important person to you?
Hubby (even though I am spitting mad at him).

14.  What was your favorite book when you were a child?
Define "child."  I'm going to stick with younger than 11, so that would be Are You There God?  It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume.

15.  Do you belive there is nothing higher than human kind?
No.

16.  Which fictional character could you most see yourself marrying?
I'm going to go to the TV for this, because I don't read much fiction these days.  Although he's way too young for me, I'm going to go with Jim Halpert from The Office because he's kind and goofy and funny and totally accessible.  But I wouldn't turn down a proposal or comeon or a sharp stick in the eye from Logan Echolls.  But Logan is 1) too young, 2) too intense and 3) will never get over Veronica.  (Yep.  I am seriously all kinds of fangirl twisty!)

17.  Would you give your all in a relationship?
I am trying, but I don't think I can trust enough to really succeed.

18.  What was the last movie you saw at the theater?
Yeah, that would be The Village.  That's why I don't go to the theater anymore.  On Demand rules!

19.  What type of friends do you like?
Awesome sense of humor, snarkability, loyal, not gossipy and willing to laugh out loud at the incredible hardness of life.

20.  Do you have an all-time favorite song?
I'm going to date myself AND go with the first 45 (bet some don't even know what that is) I owned:  Raindrops Keep Falling (on My Head) by B.J. Thomas.



 

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Current Location: office
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: head over feet - alanis morissette

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I wrote today.  It wasn't even any good, but I wrote today and that felt good.  It singed the outer edges of me, burning to make on it's way out.

It felt euphoric.  The long buried words have finally clawed their way out of the grave that fear, insecurity and insensitivity had laid bare.

I took back the words that were once used against me.  I claim them as my own.  They whispered to my id, ego, conscious and all the others.  They definitively niggled enough for me to crack.  The scream suppressed by all that life had to throw finally, finally, finally rang out.  I missed the words.

Can you believe that tears have formed?  I've missed the words but can I trust them?  Will the words that I love leave me shattered once again?  Will they decimate me and leave me littered along the roadside?  The questions are valid but I choose to leave them behind, for now.

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Current Location: office
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Face Off - Bow Wow and Omarion

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 A quiet life of desperation.  Yep, that's what I have now.  But it wasn't always that way.

Once upon a time a long, long time ago (eons really), I was loved, truly loved.  I soared.  His touch, his being, his print are set upon my heart.  He was a boy on the verge of being a man but he was the one who taught me about life, love and all of the really cool things in life.  He was my first EVERYTHING.

All of the big, inspiring moments in my life were experienced with him.  More importantly, he made me feel comfortable with the small, gentle moments in life.

Today I am loved.  No longer by the boy on the verge of being a man, but loved all the same.  It's been so long since I thought of him.  Is this what happens when you get older and "wiser"?  Do the memories just rush back to surround you to the point of distraction?

I wish I could have seen the man that he became.  I wish that I had been strong eough to have been an instrument in building that man.  But I was unreasonable and wrong and out of my league.  I sent him away.  I shunned him.

Life has a way of moving forward.  And yet I can never move away from the fact that that boy forged my present.  I expected all to be like him.  And they are not.  He damaged me with his perfection.

But as I said, life moves forward.  Today I am loved.  Just not by the boy on the verge of being a man.

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Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: What About Everything? Carbon Leaf

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Cut for Spoilers

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Current Location: sofa, surrounded by my babies
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: TV always

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 snagged from somewhere on the </a></font></b></a>[info]vm_santafriends list and in answer to angst_driven
 Character Meme:

First, write down the names of 12 characters (it's best when they're all from the same fandom, but whatever). Then read and answer the questions. Don't look at the questions until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use or it won't be funny/amusing.

My List:
1.Veronica Mars, VM
2. Logan Echolls, VM
3. Wallace Fennel, VM
4. Cindy "Mac" MacKenzie, VM
5. Eli "Weevil" Navarro, VM
6. Keith Mars, VM
7. Duncan Kane, VM
8. Lilly Kane, VM
9. Stosh "Piz" Piznarski, VM
10. Corny, VM
11. Principal Clemmons, VM
12. Jake Kane, VM


Questions )

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Current Location: sofa
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: watching tv

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